I've never shared this. Ever. To anyone. In both pictures I was absolutely starving....
These are 2 extremes of what I've walked through: both left me empty, depleted, depressed and anxious almost every single day.
Maybe you look at the first picture and think "You looked amazing!"
I was 97lbs, wearing a girl's size 14 jeans and I was eating just enough to push through 3 workouts a day and "saving my calories" for my weekend escape of partying. 1 calorie over my self imposed, EXTREME minimum and I was in a downward spiral: self hate on high.
"You're so lucky to be able to wear all the cute clothes!"
"I'd kill for your body."
My mind told me this was proof I was accepted, I fit in, I was worthy, I was valued: all things I desperately sought.
The second picture was the result of the abuse I put my body through + some of the hardest years our family has ever faced. I was 65lbs overweight when I stopped keeping track. I had hit a point where I was literally starving myself and my mind and body would no longer, COULD no longer, handle it. So I let go... and I gave up the "perfect facade" only to replace it with more self abusive behaviors. I covered my insecurities with more layers of me.... I was emotionally starving once again.
People left me alone.
"You'll never be good enough" my inner tapes told me again and again...
It wasn't until 4 years ago I actually met myself. I had to fix my mind before I fixed my shell. I had to find my worth before I let go of the hate. I had to find my power before I healed myself.
I get it. I get your fears, your insecurities, your self abusive thoughts. I get YOU. And I'm here to tell you it's time to let all that shit go and get to know yourself once and for all.
I do my best thinking here... or 10 minutes after I go to bed, or in the shower... oooor in my car. But I digress..
Sitting in this chair gave me so much clarity today. As women we spend too much time trying to "fix" others opinions of us. We put too much thought into figuring out WHY someone doesn't like us. We lose too many moments comparing our reflection to others. Why? Seriously, why? Because I don't have a solid answer.
Who told us we weren't good enough and, more importantly, who the hell made THEM on expert on our lives?
People will dislike you simply because you are you. People will talk about you because they have nothing better to do. People will try to tear you down to make themselves feel better. You can't stop that: that's not your responsibility.
Your responsibility is being the kind of woman who can meet her reflection straight in the mirror and give it a wink. That inner power is more precious than gold and we must fight like hell to cultivate and protect it.
What others think of you is none of your business. Because that's THEIR perception and not YOUR reality. Ya feel me?
Don't dull yourself down to make others feel comfortable. Shine, baby... Shine! There's EVERYTHING right with stepping into your greater self. Everyone has the same opportunity to do better + change: Whether they choose to step up or just squint is up to them, not you.
NEVER, never let anyone make you feel bad for evolving.
The world needs your light. 🎇🔦💡🕯🌟✨